We are now a little over 1/2 way thru Lent. It is a time of sacrifice. A time to give a little and try to understand what Jesus sacrificed for us. I gave up internet surfing. It is a fun thing, not hard to give up... wrong. I find everyday things I could look up or check on. I did not give up Facebook (primary way I communicate with many friends) or blogging or my google reader page where I read friends blogs. I did give up groups, messageboards and gossip sites. I have limited what I have searched for to "necessary" things.. like buying airline tickets and mapping an address. I have fought the urge to look up a book or something someone mentions. Is it hard? Not really. Convienent? Not really. We live in such an immediate gratification age. We think of something and we google it. We have more information at our fingertips than we will ever know what to do with. What if we don't see that information? The next day still comes, time does not stop. What I have found is that online I felt safe. I have spent lots of time online at messageboards or groups and enjoy that time. It has sheltered me from real life and caused me to not spend that same time with my real -life friends. I used it to hide behind and my virtual life became important. I am happy to say that my Lenten sacrifice has forced me to confront my feelings of self-doubt and lack of confidence in myself. I have reconnected with real friends, made strides in real life and it is oh so much more important that the virtual life I left behind. I can only hope that I will continue to reach outside of the computer and put the time that was sucked away by it to better use. It seems that the computer shields us from sight, makes us a part of the gang, but invisible at the same time. It allows us to hide behind words and sometimes say things we wouldn't say out loud to someone's face. I find that many who spend lots of time online start to communicate less with you but expect you to know more. There is a sense of broadness, but not an intimacy of knowing someone and their meanings. Everything becomes more subjective and it's almost like reading an email -your tone is replaced by their perception. The more aware I become, the less I want to become that person. I want my dealings with people to be real, authenitic. I hope that others will take me at my word and intention, not read into it what they think I might mean. It is a new year, a fresh start with the coming of Spring. I hope to take the lessons I have learned and put them to good use as I start this new time... As a religious person, I believe in a power greater than myself. I find that I must put faith in him to help me along the way. I am grateful for Lent and the opportunity to discover truths about myself that I might not have taken the time to find. I am blessed to be surrounded by so many who love and support me unconditionally. I am grateful for those people in my life everyday. I am also so happy to have finally found the courage to embrace those relationships wholeheartedly and to step away from those who place conditions and restrictions on me. Every night I say this prayer...
God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
This is such a powerful, simple, and functional formula for living life
I think it is pretty obvious that the most important component in this prayer is "the wisdom to know the difference." Without the wisdom to know the difference between the things we cannot change and the things we can change, the prayer really has little application.
I finally feel like I do have the wisdom to know the difference.
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